Setsuna's Revenge
by crow girl
Summary: Basically, Setsuna gets pissed and decides to do something about the couples in Sailor Moon. CHAPTER EIGHT UP! Finally...
1. The Reasons

This is just the first chapter to a very odd fanfic. Setsuna being my favorite character, I find it highly amusing to use her in fanfics and render her totally OOC. Mwahaha...Well, anyway, this is definitely a humor fic. I don't necessarily agree with what I write in here, it's just fanfic fodder and goes with the flow. Even if that flow is a highly sinister being.  
  
Disclaimer: Obviously, I don't own Sailor Moon, because otherwise the storyline would be entirely different. Duh.  
  
Setsuna scowled as she slammed the door to her room. It was her private location since she had forbidden anyone to enter, and threatening them with her time staff had probably contributed to that factor. Today, she was in it because she was incredibly pissed off at everyone.  
  
It hadn't started out to be a good day. Hotaru had woken her up by screaming through her bedroom door, "Setsuna-mama! Chibi-usa wants me to go over to her house! Is it okay?" That had made her irritated at Hotaru for waking her up and at Chibi-usa for being up so damn early.  
  
Then Haruka had left tons of dirty dishes lying around the house, and on top of that, she and Michiru had been rather loud behind their bedroom door. One of these days, Setsuna thought grimly, I'm going to get myself a gun, and use it on either them, myself, or simply go on a shooting spree. Possibly all of the above.  
  
Minako and Makoto had pissed her off by stopping by and asking if she'd like to join them shopping for clothes and a boyfriend. She hated it when people thought she was lonely. She didn't have time to be lonely; everyone was so damn busy trying to make sure she wasn't.  
  
Ami had offered Setsuna to go swimming with her, obviously not realizing Setsuna was sick to death of Michiru swimming up and down all fucking day in that fucking pool, while fucking Haruka watched.  
  
Rei had really pissed her off by offering to set her up with her pervert grandfather, hinting that Setsuna was technically very old, so she should go out with older men. Setsuna had resolved to murder Rei's grandfather the next time she saw him. Maybe she'd do it with her gun...  
  
The three lights had agitated her by crossing her mind when she was in a bad mood. Which, logically, wasn't their fault at all, but Setsuna ignored the minor details. Princess Kakyuu had pissed her off by letting the three lights ever set foot on Earth, and Chibi-Chibi had pissed her off by being an irritating little brat. They already had two, why a third one?  
  
As for Usagi, she had pissed her off by getting to have Mamoru for all eternity. Damn that girl! It just wasn't fair! Why did all the little brats get all the fun and glory?!  
  
Setsuna stopped herself and thought back. Usagi got to have Mamoru...Why? Fate determined it. She suddenly grinned wickedly. Gods and goddesses certainly had a higher status than fate, right?... 


	2. The Order

Hey, this is chapter 2. As if you couldn't tell. Thank you to the kind people that reviewed the last chapter!  
  
Disclaimer: Find some other disclaimer and insert it here.  
  
The senshi, Princess Kakyuu, and Mamoru shifted uncomfortably as they waited for Setsuna to appear. She had called each of them and told them to gather in `her' mansion's living room, although Haruka, Michiru, and Hotaru had given Setsuna strange looks as they left their rooms.  
  
Finally, she walked into the vast living room, rather dramatically. Therefore, it was really a shame that she tripped over a vase.  
  
Picking herself up, she scowled and cleared her throat.  
  
"As all of you know, or at least, I certainly hope you do, I am the Guardian of Time. Thus, I have access to many areas of time and space. Recently, while guarding the Time Gates, something extraordinary happened..."  
  
"She shut up," Haruka whispered loudly, causing various titters and giggles. Setsuna glared at her, then continued.  
  
"A god came to me! It was amazing! And the god gave me a message!" Setsuna exclaimed before Yaten raised his hand. Sestuna glared at him.  
  
"What?" She snapped.  
  
"Yeah, I was just wondering whether this was a female or male god?" Yaten asked, cringing slightly.  
  
"Um...Female! Definitely female! May I continue?" Setsuna scowled as she thought of evil ways to torture Yaten.  
  
"Just get on with it. I have things to do, Setsuna. I have a concert tomorrow," Michiru interjected, obviously bored. Setsuna turned to glare at her, remembered who was paying her bills, and stopped.  
  
"Anyway, the god, or more accurately, goddess told me that fate has drastically changed! The relationships we have now are not meant to be! They are completely off course!" She finished with no interruptions this time. The rest of the room's occupants looked uneasy and distressed.  
  
"Um, are you sure, Setsuna? I mean, I know me and Mamoru are happy, and I'm pretty sure Haruka and Michiru are, too..." Usagi whined, pouting. Setsuna sighed, thinking quickly.  
  
"Usagi, you may think you are happy, but in reality, you are not. If you would look beyond the delusions of your imagination, you would realize this. The goddess, clearly upset about the mismatched couples, gave me a list of what the real couples were supposed to be. They go as followed..." Setsuna paused, savoring everyone's reaction. Haruka and Michiru looked pissed, and Setsuna winced slightly as she thought about having to live with them after this. But it was too late to turn back now. Other than those two, Usagi was sniffling, and everyone else was trying to decide between confused, curious, or nervous.  
  
"Usagi is to be paired with Chibi Usa," Setsuna hid a smile as the two sputtered nonsense, "Ami with Princess Kakyu," These two didn't do much more than blink, "Rei with Taiki," Embarrassed coughs, "Makoto with Chibi Chibi," A shrug from Makoto, and a rattle of irritating chibis, time to speed up a bit, "Minako with Hotaru, Michiru with Yaten..." Three enraged "WHAT?!"s, "Haruka with Seiya..." Another three enraged "WHAT?!"s, "And, Mamoru with myself."  
  
Most of the assemblage was silently fuming. Setsuna bit her lip to keep from laughing hysterically when she saw the looks on Yaten, Michiru, Haruka, and Seiya's faces. Clearing her throat loudly to cover this, she began to speak again.  
  
"Now I realized that this would probably take some time to get used to and accept, and I explained this to the goddess. She agreed, and suggested that every couple spend an entire week together, starting tomorrow. Remember to make an appointment with your partner to make sure you know where you'll be!"  
  
Everyone shuffles out of the room. Setsuna heaved a sigh of relief. The first part of her plan had progressed rapidly, although there had been a few times when it had dangerously been tilting toward disaster. She smiled to herself. The next 7 days would certainly be interesting... 


	3. Usagi and Chibi Usa

I've decided to divide up most of the remaining chapters into what happens with each couple. So there's going to be a lot of chapters, since I'm not going to do the whole week of one couple, and then start at the beginning of the week again with another. Sorry for any inconveniences this might pose….Oh, and I had Chibi Usa refer to Setsuna as Plu, rather than Puu in this chapter. This is because I prefer subtitles to the dubbed version, and that's what Chibi Usa repeatedly called Setsuna in the subtitle I recently watched. Except when she called her Pluto. However, I also like the manga, and that was where most of my information came from in earlier fanfics.  
  
Usagi scowled as she stifled a yawn. Chibi Usa was a much earlier riser than she was, and had insisted on Usagi being dressed and ready by noon. The little twit.  
  
"Usagi! I'm ready! Let's go!" Chibi Usa announced from the doorway connecting the living room to the hall. Sighing, Usagi slowly got up and trudged to the front door.  
  
"Remember, you promised you'd take me to see that new exhibit the museum put in! Come on!" Chibi Usa chirped. Usagi snarled at her.  
  
"Promises were meant to be broken. Instead, we shall be spending the day at the mall, gazing at the splendid hunks that walk by."  
  
Chibi Usa clenched her fists and glared at Usagi.  
  
"We haven't even been a couple for one day, and already you're planning to cheat on me! I can't believe you!" She sputtered in rage. Usagi rolled her eyes.  
  
"Listen, you little pink football, all we have to do is pretend we're happy couples and go off and do what we want! Setsuna will never know!" She hissed. Chibi Usa stuck her tongue out at Usagi.  
  
"I'm pretty sure that goddess will, even if Plu doesn't! So hah! You have to take me to the exhibit whether you like it or not!"  
  
Usagi narrowed her eyes.  
  
"Oh really? A relationship requires cooperation between both people, even if they happen to be future mother and daughter! So, YOU have to cooperate with me!"  
  
"But I'm the younger partner, so you should feel obliged to fulfill MY wishes!"  
  
"To hell with that!"  
  
"To hell with you!"  
  
"Come back here and say that to my face!"  
  
"I just did, and I haven't moved an inch!"  
  
"You won't be able to move an inch by the time I'm through with you!"  
  
"Help! Help! My husband is a wife-beater!"  
  
"HUSBAND!?!?! If anyone's the husband here, it's you!"  
  
"At least I'm not so blonde, my hair's yellow!"  
  
"Well, at least I'm not so pink and hyper that the energizer bunny is threatening to sue copyright issues!"  
  
Chibi Usa and Usagi scowled one final time before promptly marching back to their rooms, where they stayed for the rest of the day.  
  
End of Chapter 3. Next up, Ami and Kakyuu's relationship! Sounds boring? It probably is! 


	4. Ami and Kakyuu

Ugh…This was so boring to write…*yawns* Anyway, this is the fourth chapter. With Ami and Kakyuu. Leave me alone…..  
  
Disclaimer: Leave me alone….  
  
Ami waited patiently after she rang the doorbell to Princess Kakyuu's mansion. Kakyuu had insisted on staying there for the first day, and Ami hadn't been inclined to argue with her.  
  
Twenty minutes had passed before Kakyuu opened the door and apologized for the delay.  
  
"So sorry to keep you waiting, but my bedroom is in the west wing, which, I might say, is terribly big simply by itself. I am incredibly wealthy, you do realize. I hope you weren't too bored," She added.  
  
"Not at all," the blue-haired senshi lied, having almost fallen asleep several times.  
  
"Well, that's good. So, what would you like to do?" Kakyuu asked as she pulled Ami in and closed the door.  
  
"There's so many things…Why don't we talk about boys-Oh, wait, never mind, sorry. How about-" Kakyuu cut Ami off mid-sentence.  
  
"Obviously, you're unable to cope with the task of deciding, so I'll take over. We're going to watch Interview With The Vampire. That's sounds like fun. The main recreation room is this way."  
  
Ami followed Kakyuu out of the room, silently fuming. She did enjoy watching Interview With The Vampire; who didn't? But she would've preferred Kakyuu to at least let her finish speaking.  
  
Kakyuu inserted Interview With The Vampire (hey, kids, try saying that ten times fast! Guaranteed to win interesting results, even if this fanfic doesn't! Okay, maybe not…) into the VCR. Ami sighed resignedly and sat down on the center couch. Kakyuu sat right next to her, causing her to shift uncomfortably away.  
  
"Um, you could, you know, sit a cushion apart from me or something…" Ami muttered. Kakyuu raised her eyebrows.  
  
"What? Do you not enjoy spending time with me? You're going to break up with me, aren't you? Oh my God!" With a sob, Kakyuu fled the room and raced back to her bedroom to weep uncontrollably and wallow in self-pity.  
  
Blinking, Ami thought about going after her, decided not to, and turned back to Interview With The Vampire, where Brad Pitt was just beginning to relate to his past with Christian Slater.  
  
"I was twenty four, younger than you are now…"  
  
Yeah, I know this was boring. *falls asleep* *wakes up* Next is Rei and Taiki…How odd…*fells asleep again* 


	5. Rei and Taiki

Rei sighed as she waited for Taiki to arrive. He was already late by over half an hour. They had decided to meet at her house and watch Girl, Interrupted.  
  
Finally, she heard a knock at the door. Thanking God that her hentai grandfather wasn't around, Rei opened the door.  
  
Taiki stood outside, looking at the floor mat as if it would bite him. Rei sighed and gestured for him to come in, and he complied (I know that sounds lame, but comply is a fun word. So is fuckable, but associating that with Taiki is just wrong. Terribly, terribly wrong.).  
  
"Sorry I'm late, but I went to see a movie and it ran late," He explained as she closed the door (You know what else is a fun word? Fulcrum! Okay, okay, I'll stop.).  
  
"And what movie would that be," Rei rolled her eyes behind Taiki's back, preparing herself for some boring description of how an atom splits or something.  
  
"The Lion King!" Taiki chirped happily. Rei stopped in her tracks.  
  
"Run that by me again?" She said, not believing what she'd just heard.  
  
"The Lion King! It's a great movie! I like the baboon- he has a red butt!" Taiki giggled. Rei wrinkled her forehead, slightly confused.  
  
"That's great."  
  
"I love the songs, too! In the jungle, the." the geek began to sing a highly off-key version of, er, that one song that's in The Lion King, starts off with "In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight", and the real version cracks me up every time I hear it, because it has some weird lady singing in the second verse. Yeah, I have no idea what the hell that song's called, but hopefully people will know what I'm talking about.  
  
Rei rolled her eyes. On one hand, at least Taiki wasn't acting like a scientific genius and giving her a headache; one the other hand, he was instead acting like a small, bratty child and giving her a migraine.  
  
"Look, Taiki." She tried to interrupt his horrendous singing, but he just grew louder.  
  
"A WEIMER-WUP, A WEIMER-WUP, A WEIMER."  
  
Rei buried her head in her hands. This was going to be a LONG week. 


	6. Makoto and Chibi Chibi

See? I work on these! Just sometimes, I get delayed.Anyway, if there are things in here that you don't agree to, such as a reference to Makoto's sexuality, that's just MY perception. Because I'M writing the fanfic. And if you think I'm implying that she's a child molester, you're wrong. Although, that would kind of explain a lot.  
  
Makoto hummed to herself as she pulled the cookies she'd made for herself and Chibi Chibi out of her oven and placed them onto the counter. On one hand, she was expected to be romantically involved with a six-year-old girl; on the other hand, she was a lesbian anyway, and besides, she liked spending time with children.  
  
Chibi Chibi held her hands out expectantly for a cookie. "Chibi chibi chibi!" She chirped happily.  
  
Makoto shook her head firmly.  
  
"No, Chibi Chibi. First of all, these need to cool down for about ten minutes, and second, that's not how you ask for things. You have to say please."  
  
"Have to say please!" Chibi Chibi imitated. Makoto smiled.  
  
"Yes, that's right. Why don't you try it?"  
  
"You try it!" the pipsqueak repeated. Makoto frowned, puzzled.  
  
"I'm not the one asking for a cookie."  
  
"Asking for a cookie!"  
  
"Now stop that!"  
  
"Stop that!"  
  
"Chibi Chibi, that's not funny."  
  
"That's not funny!"  
  
Makoto scowled at the small child. "Cut it out this minute!"  
  
"This minute!"  
  
"That does it! You don't get any cookies! None!"  
  
"Chibi!" Chibi Chibi protested. Makoto shook her head stubbornly.  
  
"No!"  
  
Chibi Chibi sniffled and started to cry. Makoto abruptly felt guilty, forgetting that she was supposed to be punishing her.  
  
"Don't cry, honey! Here, have a cookie!" She reached to grab one, disregarding the fact that they were still too hot. As her hand closed around a cookie, she shrieked in pain and dropped the cookie onto the floor. Chibi Chibi reached down (not very far) to pick it up. Makoto, not noticing this, attempted to pull herself up onto the counter, accidentally slicing her unburned hand on a steak knife lying on the counter.  
  
The rest of the day went downhill from there. 


	7. Minako and Hotaru

I think this is one of the longer chapters.  
  
Minako giggled gleefully to herself as she stood in line. Today was going to be so much fun! She and Hotaru were going to be at the fair for twelve hours straight. Wahoo (Seriously, what kind of person actually THINKS the word 'wahoo'? Is 'wahoo' even a word? The spell check is confusing me.I don't like that thing. I know this next exclamation mark is confusing, but it's grammatically correct. Bite me.)!  
  
Hotaru stood next to her morosely. Today sounded kind of fun, but she wasn't sure about Minako. She privately wondered if the blonde had been inserting powdery substances into her nose while Hotaru's back was turned.  
  
Minako accepted the huge wad of tickets the ticket man handed her with a cheerful beam that blinded the poor guy for life. Ignoring his screams of agony, she turned to Hotaru brightly (Even writing about Minako is exhausting.Whew!).  
  
"Where do you want to go now?" She asked. Hotaru shrugged.  
  
"Maybe the merry-go-round." She mumbled. Minako grinned.  
  
"Ooh! I love that ride! Come on!" She chirped, grabbing Hotaru by the arm and running to the afore-mentioned ride. Hotaru merely closed her eyes and sighed, letting Minako pull her along.  
  
When they got there, Minako was ecstatic to discover that they were first in line, and the current ride was almost over.  
  
Her comrade, on the other hand, was getting very exhausted. By the time it was their turn to get on the merry-go-round (which was about 30 seconds after they'd arrived), Hotaru was feeling light-headed.  
  
Minako noticed none of this as she led her to one of the horse-thingys (let's just call it a Horse On A Stick, er, Pole) and helped her get on. An attendant, assured that Hotaru was being taken care of, scurried off to help Excel from Excel Saga (who has nothing to do with this chapter) disentangle herself from her own Horse On A Pole without checking to make sure the incognito sailor of death was strapped in.  
  
Shortly after Minako had strapped herself into her own Horse On A Pole, the ride started. She giggled and shrieked as it began to go faster.  
  
Hotaru, holding onto the pole, put a hand to her forehead weakly.  
  
"I.feel.faint." She whispered softly before losing her grip on the pole and blacking out. She fell to the ground, her body being battered by other onrushing Horses On Poles.  
  
Unfortunately, no one appeared to notice this until the ride was over. Minako, being one of the last of people to see her friend, walked over to Hotaru's body and stared at her.  
  
"Well, you could have TOLD me you wanted to take a nap," She finally muttered, turning away grumpily. 


	8. Michiru and Yaten

Sorry that this chapter took me so damn long. Mostly it's laziness, but there are other elements as well. Always are, I know. Whatever. Anyway, a couple of notes that YOU MUST LOOK AT BEFORE YOU READ THIS CHAPTER!!!! In the first paragraph, what seems to be my own personal view is in fact not. Um, that didn't make much sense, did it? What I mean to say is that, while this does seem to be the case at my school, I do not mean that this is true with everyone. I mean no disrespect. And I don't want any reviews telling me I know nothing about it, because I do, okay? If the first note didn't make any sense, or that I'm a huge bitch, it's because I have a tremendous headache and nothing is helping it. Also, I am a huge bitch. So there. Hope we're all on the same page now. My apologies. The band, song, and song title at the end are all made up. Not real. And I'd appreciate it if you didn't use the title or lyrics in anything. The band name is just something I did for French, so you can name your firstborn that, for all I care. Though you may not want to.  
  
Michiru scowled angrily at her reflection. She resented having been forced into a relationship with a) a man, and b) one that she hated, at that. Unlike many so-called 'bisexual women' and 'lesbians', she didn't 'like' women to get men to hit on her more often or because of a trend. She truly loved Haruka, and while pretending to like men could be fun, she really wasn't attracted to them. With the help of a referee, Michiru and Yaten had decided to use Usagi and Chibi Usa's idea to go shopping. No other option seemed to work. Their personal interests had so far clashed over movies, music, conventions, books and entertainment- oh yes, as well as colors and cosmetics. At least with shopping they could split up and avoid each other for a while. A round of loud honking came from outside. Michiru picked up her turquoise purse and went to meet Yaten. He was in the driver's seat of a white convertible. Michiru rolled her eyes in disgust while he was looking. White was such a bland color- although, it did match his dull hair. As she got into his atrocious looking car, she turned to him and murmured nastily, "Why don't you dye your hair? It would take the color easily. White makes you look like an old woman- oh, sorry, I was forgetting that you are one. Darling," she hissed sarcastically as an afterthought. Yaten narrowed his eyes as his foot slammed against the gas pedal. "You know, even your appearance depicts you as the senshi of the sea, what with your kelp-like hair and your pale, fishy skin, sweetie." "How kind of you to notice. I'm surprised you can actually see, since your head seems to have been shoved so thoroughly up your ass," Michriu sneered, gritting her teeth. Yaten emitted a low growl. Their car was now on the highway, a white blur moving steadily past the other cars, or as Yaten was secretly labeling them in his mind, cows (a/n: turtles are so cliché, and for the most part, cows are pretty damn slow. Take a step, graze. Take another step, graze. Anyone else bored yet?). Michiru whipped around in her seat to look out the window. "Hey, you just missed our exit!" "So what's the lipstick lesbian gonna do about it? Doesn't look like Butch came along for the ride. What a shame." Michiru pursed her lips tightly. "Shut up." Yaten ignored her. "Did you know that a lot of people think you two are actually a straight couple because Haruka's really a guy?" "Shut up." The driver smiled faintly as he narrowly avoided a head on collusion with a red Toyota. "I don't believe that, though. Personally, I think Haruka's just a circumcised hermaphrodite. Wouldn't that make more sense?" "YOU JUST DON'T KNOW WHEN TO QUIT, DO YOU?!" Michiru raised her purse above her head and smacked Yaten (a/n: I've been reading too much GTO. I just had to backspace and replace 'Kunio' with 'Yaten'. Whoops.) Yaten cried out in alarm and took his hands off the steering wheel to defend himself against the savage beatings Michiru was inflicting upon him without mercy (a/n: shoot me now. This time I wrote "Michiru" as "Armand". Maybe I shouldn't read for four hours straight before working on this damn thing.). The car swerved dangerously close to another car. Michiru shrieked and shoved the steering wheel in the other direction- which just happened to be off the highway, built on a plateau about fifty feet higher than the land below. Both driver and passenger of the white car screamed in fear as they plummeted over the edge. In his panic, Yaten bumped the button that initiated the radio. It was playing Tokyo's number one recent single, "Murder of the Cradle", by La Petite Sadique. As Michiru and Yaten closed their eyes and prayed in anticipation of their landing, they heard, "I'm just gonna kill you, for once and forever some day. 


End file.
